Using a Brief Action Plan

If I say “Monday” what pops into your mind?  Pictures of Grumpy Cat? Does your mood change?  Why?  It doesn’t have too.   Let me tell you a story about my husband.      My husband is a very kind, generally patient, and understanding person, but Monday’s used to always change his mood and set a tone for the whole day.  When he came home and I asked about his day he would grumble and complain and make grumbly noises.  I asked him why Monday’s were so bad and he complained that Monday just always seemed to get the best of him. He struggled with feeling behind, disorganized, and just out of sorts.   When we tried to break it down there was really nothing different about Monday except that it followed a break from working.    My husband loves his job, enjoys his client and co-workers and as a rule is very satisfied with his career. But still, there was Monday!  I thought about this for a while and tried something new.  Psyching him up!!  As he left the house in the morning I gave him his usual kiss, hug, and encouragements for the day, but this time I made an angry face-ok, I don’t do these well and mostly he thought I was cute, but he understood my goal.  Anyway, I made an angry face and balled up my fists and so “Go get em!! Conquer Monday!  Monday is not the boss of you, YOU are the boss of it!!!  Get things done, stay on task, and have fun in the face of Monday!!!  You like your job, you can do this.  Conquer Monday  grrrrrrrrr” ,  It takes a special man to live with me.  And you know what? It worked.  He came home a different man and felt kind of exhilarated about defeating Monday.   We did this same routine for months, but we don’t anymore.  Monday is no longer a big deal for him.  He conquered it and he doesn’t need a cheerleader for Mondays anymore.  Monday is just another day.    Now, let’s look at this. Monday is not even a thing, you can’t touch it or hold it.  Monday has no feelings or attitude.  Monday just exists, like any other day.  What really got conquered?  His attitude!!   Attitude is really what it is about.  Monday is all about your frame of mind.  Monday is about what you make it to be.  If you go into the day with a bad attitude that Monday sucks, your job sucks, your life sucks uggghhh “I hate Mondays” then it will be a bad day.  You can’t change Monday being a Monday, but you can change how it goes down or at least how you feel about it.  You can change your attitude. You have a choice.  Bad things may happen, but still the choice is yours. Think of the positives Decide you are the boss of Monday Give yourself a few extra minutes on Mondays to get you ready for the day pray do a facial get a cup of coffee go out to breakfast meet a friend go for a walk When you get to work prioritize the day Take a minute to remember what you like about your job.  If there isn’t anything, at least be happy for the provision and be hopeful. Go out! Conquer Monday, you can do it!  Be amazing!!!! Grrrrrrrr!

Have you ever watched “What not to Wear” on TLC?  What Not to Wear is a makeover show, but touches the people on a deep personal level, not just “fix them up” and I think you should watch it.  Not for fashion tips,  but to understand loving the body you have.   Clinton Kelly  and Stacey London , the hosts, consistently teach people that they have to dress the body they have and not the body they wish they had.  Part of this teaching process involves the idea that you are beautiful/handsome just as you are! Here are some ways to get you started loving your body: If you criticize your body, STOP!  Would you let a friend talk that way about someone else? If not, that don’t talk that way about yourself. Be honest and realistic.  You may be overweight or underweight, but it is important to accept where you are, especially if you want to change it.  Before we make change though, we must learn to like ourselves or we aren’t worth it enough in our own minds to make the change! Don’t let your body image stop you from doing the things you love.  If you can physically do it don’t talk yourself out of it.  Remaining active effects our mental well being Take walks to help you mental health and be active Bless your body.  This one sounds weird, but a counselor once had me do this and it was remarkable!  In the shower as you wash your body touch every part of yourself and say a prayer of blessing or tell yourself you are happy for that part and why.  You are learning to accept yourself and a little praise too. Dress the body you have and not the body you want.  Buying clothes that fit well makes us look better and accentuates the positives.  White girls this is especially for you, follow the lead of our Latino and African American girlfriends who are much more happy with their bodies statistically than white women.  One of my black girlfriends says this is what you do.  You stand tall and you say “That’s right, I’m hot, mmm, look at me gurl!, Oh, yea”  as you run your hand down your side and strut your stuff!  She was right, it is kind of empowering!! Don’t blame your body on the bad things that happen in life No one can make you feel inferior without your consent – Eleanor Roosevelt.  Don’t let comments by others ruin your mood, day, or actions.  This means you too!  Your comments about yourself are making you feel inferior. Consider taking up something like Yoga or meditation where you learn practices that encourage being grateful for our bodies. Remember that no one has a perfect body, even the women in the magazines.  They were Photo Shopped and have cellulite, blemishes, etc.  If your goal is a “perfect” body it is unrealistic, change your goal to have a fit body even if your fit is bigger, smaller, different from someone else’s fit body.  Just be healthy. Practice Mindful Eating Once you decide you love yourself it is OK to say that you would like to change a few things like lose a few pounds or gain a few pounds, dress better, learn something new etc., but start with loving yourself.  The next step is to make an honest assessment and goal and then take realistic steps to get there and make the change!  You can do it!

Reposted from October 13, 2015 Emptying the Nest I have been off the grid the last couple of days helping one of my little birds build her own nest.  It is a strange feeling to start entering into the empty nest stage and I'm not sure what it will look like.  We still have one bird in college, so we aren't there yet, but nearly. As I begin this transition there are so many mixed emotions. I feel excited for all of the adventures that are ahead for my kids as well as how my adventures will change.  I feel anxious for things like will they eat well, pay bills on time, make wise decisions, make new friends, enjoy their jobs, be responsible, kind, courteous, give back to society, recycle, brush their teeth... Ok, a little carried away, but you understand.  I also feel sad, I will miss the noise and laughter that filled our home.  I will have to learn to guide without being boss, how to be there and not smother, and so much more, but mostly I am happy to see them become the wonderful people they have become. It goes way to quickly, here are a few tips to parents of small children, because your empty nest day will be here way too soon: It really does go quickly, enjoy the little moments Let them play in puddles, mud, dirt etc.  They will have a blast and clothes and kids alike can be washed Remember to tell them how precious they are Have family dinners Play games The housework, jobs etc. will always be part of your daily life, but they won't. Prioritize Go camping, even if it goes badly they will talk about it fondly later The teen years do not have to be hard. Develop relationship when they are little The attitude of a 2 year old is the same as a 16 year old.  If you do not hold boundaries when they are 2 you will not be able to when they are 16 Be consistent If your kids ask you not to tell anyone something, don't! Laugh a lot If something breaks or spills it isn't that big of a deal.  Clean it up, hug your kid and go on.  They are more important than anything that breaks or any little mess Say I'm sorry when your're wrong Let them be individuals and praise them for the things that are unique in them Give chores from very early Let them handle their own money Let them make mistakes Love, love, love, love, love them